One would think that after 4 months of wanting to just throw school assignments and pencil cases and anything within grabbing distance out the window while screaming and swearing and kicking and punching and wanting to crawl up in a hole and forget about existing that a certain university student would be on her way to Cuba to sip on pina coladas by a nice relaxing beach without a care in the world…
THREE THINGS WRONG
1.) I have no interest to visit Cuba
2.) HAHAHAHAH SUMMER SEMESTER FOR ME
3.) That reaction was the last of its kind…ever; for I am officially done with calculus, chemistry, and physics courses. For good. I am now blessed to take the upper level biology courses that made me fall in love with my environmental science program to begin with.
And that gives me plenty of time to get back to basics, to focus on small goals that, in the future, will pay off in ways that can only lead to the better. Now I’m not a huge optimist…I’m the optimist that is happy when things work out/are working out…and a total stressball when life just keeps unraveling in my hands. I’m…a semi-optimist. But still, having to focus less on school and getting four months to re-evaluate what is important to me has caused me to think very hard about what I actually want to get out of life (CLICHE 1).
Which brings me back to the basics of me as person; namely, a musician. If I’m describing myself to someone I’ll definitely make a point to emphasize how huge music is to me (as can be seen from previous blogs posts). And while I do have a band and an orchestra, I still feel as if I’m missing something. I really can’t find the right way of describing it, but while thinking about what I can do to fulfill this missing piece, I’ve come up with the following:
I have vowed that this summer I will spend 2 hours 6 days a week practicing my music. This applies to all aspects. Violin, trombone, clarinet, banjo, guitar, technique, and theory. This is for nobody else except me. I want to be better. I want to feel even more confident in my abilities as a musician. I want to feel that I deserve respect for the amount of effort I put into practicing. I want to actually practice. I want to prove to myself that I am a self-motivated individual. I want music to be part of my life forever.
This is me cementing my goal into my life. I’ve been playing instruments for 12 years now. And I want to see that number grow as I do. As I age, learn, and improve.